The eyepatch. No other medical accoutrement exudes class, glamour and mystery in such a rampant way. Slings certainly don’t. Crutches have never provoked similar stylistic feelings. Despite attempts by Morrissey early in his career, the hearing aid has never taken off in a comparable way. So to celebrate Billion Dollar Wreck's Martin Bayerle and his rather dashing eyepatch, here are some of our favourite ocular covering aficionados and the reasons we love them.
The world’s greatest (rodent) secret agent and the scourge of Baron Greenback. According to the show’s creator, the story of DM’s eye (or lack of it) will never be revealed and in fact could all be a devilish hoax and there there may well be some sort of secret weapon stuffed under there. Which seems a little farfetched, even for a cartoon.
The large and difficult book writing colossus never actually lost an eye but claimed the patch helped his dwindling eyesight. However, I contend that completely layering fabric over it would, in fact, hinder anyone’s eyesight no matter how dwindling. A chapter of his great work Ulysses was called ‘The Cyclops’. So that’s something.
Played by Daryl Hannah in Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill, Elle ‘California Mountain Snake’ Driver had the longest nickname of any of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad and so was probably the best one. The missing eye was plucked out by her martial arts master for frequent insubordination. Which seems a little harsh. Elle retaliated by poisoning his fish heads. Which, in comparison, seems pretty reasonable given the circumstances.
The Man from Dr Hook
With his trademark cowboy hat, gritty singing voice and customary eyepatch, the man from Dr Hook was the number one eyepatch wearing icon throughout the 1970’s and for a small part of the 1980’s. He helped the group have hits such as Sylvia’s Mother, When You’re in Love With a Beautiful Woman and The Cover of the Rolling Stone, while, all the time, wearing an eyepatch.
There needed to be at least one nautical inclusion on the list and there is no-one as salty and sea-dogged as Seamus from Family Guy. Not only does he sport an eyepatch, but he also appears to possess at least four wooden limbs and his dental work is also less than exemplary. In fact he’s a total mess. The reason he gives for all the missing body parts has changed over the years from his father being a tree to James Woods eating them.
Portrayed on screen by two of the titans of American thespianism (Samuel L. Jackson AND David Hasselhoff) this former head of S.H.I.E.L.D. in the Marvel comics universe damaged his eye due to some errant shrapnel during World War II. Which would make him at least 95 years old. He now helps to wrangle The Avengers in the multi-movie cinematic franchise that I’ve completely lost track of.
Legendary MC, beloved hip-hop influencer and the most successful British-American rapper in music history, Rick damaged his eye during a childhood accident which led to his choice of outrageous, blinged-out eyepatches that have become his trademark. He’s dabbled with fake diamond encrusted ones, colour co-ordinated ones and even experimented with over-sized metal chains in lieu of an elastic strap. In eyepatches, just as in music, Slick Rick was a true innovator and hero.